unfairness

Skinny girls tell me that I have self-esteem issues. When I tell them that I think I'm gorgeous, but everyone else doesn't, they say something along the lines of "well, that's their problem". Well, fine. If you think that's the answer, then I'd like to see all you skinny girls spend your lives alone. I'd like to see all you skinny girls carry around the pain of each glance, each dismissal, each value judgement based completely on something I can't change, for the rest of your life. Okay?!?

It's not a fucking answer.

(no subject)

Never in my life have I been so grateful to have someone stay up till dawn fighting with me.

It didn't solve anything, and it's not the first time I've laughed with tears streaming down my face ("Allie, you're the only one I know that can say 'I have a headache' and giggle in the same breath")... but, I dunno... it was her way of caring. And it's been a long time since someone really cared. It felt... odd. Like something was expected of me.

I guess I'm just crazy now. I knew it would happen if I stayed in this town long enough.

I miss people.

STATUS REPORT: Doin' Fine.

Anyone who's talked to me for any length of time in the past month or so probably knows that I'm not doin' all that well.

But...

:::flashes "okay" sign, followed by two thumbs up:::

Everything is okay. Nobody can be happy all the time. The silver lining is, Nobody is sad forever.

There's this thing called a twitch. When a horse has a sore foot, you put a piece of rope around it's nose, and it is so preoccupied by the rope that it forgets that sore foot. Horses are stupid. I'm not. I don't believe in twitches.

But yeah. I'm okay, folks.

Sareteni: Please, just, don't do anything stupid.
RavenChic: :::snorts::: like what? Kill myself? please.
RavenChic: the punk rock girl would never do anything like that.
Sareteni: a lot of people would.
RavenChic: I'm not like most people.
Sareteni: but, you're more than just the PRG
RavenChic: Remember that word... more. Not less.
RavenChic: I am, by definition, more than the sum of my parts.
Sareteni: the PRG isnt broken. she doesn't hurt, she doesn't break an angry mask. you do.
RavenChic: Well, people depend on the PRG to be strong.
RavenChic: She can't hurt.
Sareteni: that's nice. she doesn't exist.
RavenChic: She does.
Sareteni: no. you do.
RavenChic: She's a part of who I am.
RavenChic: Just like the frightened little girl is a part of who I am.
Sareteni: true. but just a part.
RavenChic: And the raving nympho sex-goddess is a part of who I am.
Sareteni: ja.
RavenChic: I'm full of tinier men!
Sareteni: :)

Pizza and the web

Got pizza, for free!

My sister just showed up at my door with a roundtable pizza, my favorite kind, too... vegetarian. It was the best pizza I've ever tasted in my life.

I also made my first Flash movie... I made it to be a part of my website, but it's too freakin' big.

Doesn't It Just Break Your Heart?

These two pictures sat together on a page I hosted from Chris's Linux Redhat network server. Alot alot of memories. Wow.

I have the strangest things on my D drive.