(no subject)

"I wonder which will win out.. my emotions, my logic, or the incredible lust I have for you"

A completely new man is about to walk into my life, and attempt a relationship. I wish him the best of luck. I've no idea what it is that's killed my past relationships, but I hope it doesn't show up here.

I've been completely up front with him on everything. From my looks to my basically emotional nature and everything in between. And yet he persists. And now, we prepare to see each other for the second time in our lives, and I'm... I'm really really fucking nervous.

I haven't been able to feel love with the same abandon I used to. Not since Chris. I find this very troubling. I wonder if it's indicative of a deeper, more lasting, more damaging numbness... that thing I've tried since the age of thirteen to avoid ever, ever, ever slipping into. That thought scares me.

I'm well and truly besotted with him, I am. He thrills me, physically and mentally and emotionally. But infatuation does NOT always lead to a deeper attachment. And dammit. I WANT deeper attachment. With this man. Out of a bevvy of men lined up to be lovers, friends and partners, I chose this man. I did. Because there is so much about him that is just plain GOOD.

"It never caught your attention before when I called you "love", did it?"
"I have friends that call me "love"; I had to force myself not to read too much into it."
"I meant what you probably couldn't read into it."
"Please don't say that. Not yet."

I KNOW I want him. I know I do. He is a good man. He is adult enough to feel emotions, he is a good worker, and he's looking (much like myself) to stop dating and settle down and love someone. We both like fairytale endings. But will I be able to bring the fairy into this tale? Or will I cling desperately to this relationship, trying hard to feel emotions that were killed?

GOD I hate the damage broken hearts leave behind.

I really, REALLY want this.

Where sleep?

Dammit, I was supposed to sleep. But I couldn't because I work *graveyard* shift, and the stupid store needs me in at 6:00 AM, which is normally my bedtime! What the hell is up with that?

I guess I'll be singin' the sleep dep blues today.

:::frustrated sigh:::

While Waiting For My Pizza to Bake.

Today was a rough day. Not only was I dead on my feet from about 10:00 AM onwards, but I found out that the store's last inventory was $1,500.00 off. This is disturbing because it could mean my job.

There were highlights, though. Mr. GrumpyPants, a customer renowned for his sour nature, brought a miniature wooden coffin with a glow in the dark skull stuck to it, and put it down on the counter. The coffin started making Spooky Halloween Sounds (tm), and opened to reveal a wealth of chocolate, from which I grabbed a couple pieces. The mechanism in the coffin then closed itself. I wonder if Mr. GrumpyPants knows how much he made my day. It just goes to show you, if you smile and are nice to someone, it's bound to catch on.

I also cashed my check and bought myself a pizza from a little nearby place called "Figaros". It's right next to my store, and they make very good, very affordable you bake pizza. Plus, they always get me a discount, as I am the one who gives them discounted soda on their breaks.

For all those wondering, the soda has nothing to do with the grocery inventory. The fountain inventory is a completely seperate procedure.

So then I got home and fell into bed, leaving a trail of clothing from the front door to my bedroom. I fell asleep almost instantly, and my last thought was that I ought to wake up at around seven for dinner.

I woke up around 6:50, not sure where I was or why it was dark out. I'm not used to waking up while it's dark out, you see... I usually get up around 4:00 PM. And here I am, waiting for my pizza, and for my romeo.

Erm? I think that's the timer.

MMmmmmm! :)

Okay, that was some excellent pizza!

If I even wind up on "Cops", I sure hope my friends will make sure that I'm better dressed than these folks. Although, I'm not a battered wife or a crack whore, and those seem to be the two main roles for women on that show.

I wish my Seattle guy would pop up... I need to know when he's gonna visit. If he'll be here at the same time as my Dad, I must prepare him.

:::sigh:::

(no subject)

I am on the most annoying mailing list EVER.


"--- In goats-fans@egroups.com, Kieran Wheeler wheelekb@m... wrote:
> Why hasn't Aliie posted a picture of her twat yet?
>
> -K
> --"