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Vent vent vent vent vent my spleen.
May. 13th, 2001 01:27 pmWell, he showed up. At 9:00 this morning. With no apparent realization of the fact that he'd scared the piss out of me, hurt my feelings and made me very angry.
He's just left. Apparently, he finds me just desireable enough to show up for four hours, fuck and have breakfast, but not important enough to consider my feelings. I understand that he has things to do at home, which, btw, is the closest thing to an explanation that I got, but see... it would all have been different if he'd told me "I cant make it this weekend" or that something came up. But he didn't. He ust fucking blew me off. And then showed up. robbed me of around eighteen hours of time that I was told would be spent with me.
And you know, he's never been exactly punctual, but he's always been pretty up-front and truthful. Sure, there are things he doesn't tell me, but there are things I've asked him not to tell me. He's never done this before. And really... if he's not interested enough anymore, I wish he'd ust say so.
I spent most of the four hours with anger and tears swimming in my stomach. I wasn't as able to enoy the time as I should have been. Because I'm just not important enough to have my feelings considered or even for him to want to spend time with... you know, the non-naked kind of time. I guess I'm just a nice warm damp hole who happens to be a touch inconvenient at times. Screw that.
He stood at my door, about to leave, with this pathetic and apologetic look on his face. I told him that he had made his choices, kissed him, and told him to go.
I'm really angry with him. And I feel I have every right to be. It's called respect, dammit. He cost me another night's wages.... a night that I had expected to spend with him, a night that I actually needed his company on.
He's just left. Apparently, he finds me just desireable enough to show up for four hours, fuck and have breakfast, but not important enough to consider my feelings. I understand that he has things to do at home, which, btw, is the closest thing to an explanation that I got, but see... it would all have been different if he'd told me "I cant make it this weekend" or that something came up. But he didn't. He ust fucking blew me off. And then showed up. robbed me of around eighteen hours of time that I was told would be spent with me.
And you know, he's never been exactly punctual, but he's always been pretty up-front and truthful. Sure, there are things he doesn't tell me, but there are things I've asked him not to tell me. He's never done this before. And really... if he's not interested enough anymore, I wish he'd ust say so.
I spent most of the four hours with anger and tears swimming in my stomach. I wasn't as able to enoy the time as I should have been. Because I'm just not important enough to have my feelings considered or even for him to want to spend time with... you know, the non-naked kind of time. I guess I'm just a nice warm damp hole who happens to be a touch inconvenient at times. Screw that.
He stood at my door, about to leave, with this pathetic and apologetic look on his face. I told him that he had made his choices, kissed him, and told him to go.
I'm really angry with him. And I feel I have every right to be. It's called respect, dammit. He cost me another night's wages.... a night that I had expected to spend with him, a night that I actually needed his company on.
