Porn complaint.

I bought some porn today (which, predictably, was annoyingly full of LESBIANS) and found in it a brief bit of fiction in which three women who are talking about the things their husbands do to them in bed.

The first woman, whose husband eats her out, is lucky, but the second woman, whose husband allows her to perform oral sex on him is luckier still and, get this, the third woman, whose husband reams her up the ass, is the luckiest of all.

Women do not write this shit, I'm telling you this right now.

SOMEONE at that gas station...

...has a wicked sense of humor.

http://www.inktank.com/picture.cfm?pic=odd/gas.jpg

(no subject)

Yelled at me, from a car in the parking lot, while I was lighting a cigarette.

"Don't do it! You're too cute! Don't wreck those pretty lungs of yours! I can tell they're nice!"

Yep. still got it.

(no subject)

Doooing laundry... Dooooing laundry, doing laundry, doing laundry, doo-ING laun-DRY!

(no subject)

Okay, so I got a lot done around the house today... five loads of laundry and I cleaned the kitchen. For some reason, every time I am so miserable living in a complete sty that I need to clean, I need to do something to actually pressure myself into doing it. Like invite people over or make an appointment to have the carpets steam-cleaned. Every time I do it, I feel like damn... why did I do that? Now I have to have the place cleaned by such and such a date. But I do it anyway. So that's why I've been cleaning... the steam cleaner people are due on Monday at 4:00. So spring cleaning is a little late, so what?

I really am relishing the idea of having CLEAN CARPETS, though. I had them done a little more than a year ago, so as far as I'm concerned, it's time now. I've heard that having your carpets cleaned too often can wear them out quicker, but damn, it'll be nice to have them fucking clean. They're not filthy or anything... there's some cat hair and some cigarette ashes and nacho cheese spot in the livingroom is all.

So after all that, I got myself a big hunk of watermelon out of the fridge, and a cold beer, and went out and sat on the trunk of my car in the sun enjoying my snack. It was nice, and I didn't even get sunburned. And then I took a cool shower and cleaned up, and here I am, nekkid and damp in my excruciatingly hot apartment, writing it here because I'm too lazy and short on time to put it in my real journal. And now I'm gonna go take a nap before work.

I have no life. I wrote a paragraph about carpet, for chrissakes. I'm the second most boring person alive.

(no subject)

To James in Vancouver, who requested the Pistols' "Anarchy" from 94.7 KNRK while I was on my way home...

Marry me.

Love, Allie.

(no subject)

I'm not even sure if I remember what my life was like when this popcorn expired.

Goodbye popcorn.

(no subject)

Oliver's found this wonderful new game to play! It's called "Folding Laundry".

In this game, I attempt to fold the laundry, and Oliver sits on the coffee table where the folded clothes go. I remove Oliver from the table, and put the clothes down, at which point Olver jumps back on the coffee table and stretches out on top of the laundry. I remove him, and add more folded laundry to the stack. And it goes on like that. Apparently the goal is to get as much cat hair as possible sandwiched between the laundry layers. Annoying, no?

And I had no idea that I owned this many GREEN TOWELS. Every time I saw one, I just said "Oh, there's my towel." I had no idea that I had, like four or five green towels.