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Aug. 24th, 2007
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Aug. 24th, 2007 12:38 amGot off work, went home, reheated and consumed some pea soup.
Diet's still on, 1 week and I'm already feeling terribly disheartened. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I look fatter and fatter, like I'm going to swell up and blot out the world. I'm a disgusting blob reviled by men and pitied by women. I'm plagued with doubts. I was so nauseated by my reflection after I got home that I didn't even want to eat. I did anyway.
I went to Mike's and we watched Hot Fuzz. Then I went to the bar with Josh and we had a couple drinks. Came home, made my lunch for tomorrow, and then puttered around the house. Cleaned the litterbox, ran a load of dishes, standard shit.
Meh.
Diet's still on, 1 week and I'm already feeling terribly disheartened. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I look fatter and fatter, like I'm going to swell up and blot out the world. I'm a disgusting blob reviled by men and pitied by women. I'm plagued with doubts. I was so nauseated by my reflection after I got home that I didn't even want to eat. I did anyway.
I went to Mike's and we watched Hot Fuzz. Then I went to the bar with Josh and we had a couple drinks. Came home, made my lunch for tomorrow, and then puttered around the house. Cleaned the litterbox, ran a load of dishes, standard shit.
Meh.
(no subject)
Aug. 24th, 2007 08:40 pmHad pollo verde and refried black beans on whole wheat tortilla with cabbage.
High in calories, but nutritionally dense and very filling. Even with that, I'm still at around 1800 calories or so. I got off work early, and I haven't quite got the knack of snacking while not at work, so I didn't eat as much as I should have.
I'll have a salad and some nuts later.
Oh, and to whoever it was that complained to my roommate about me always just posting about food? Yeah, I'm trying something really new and incredibly challenging. So I'm gonna write about it. I'm looking at what I eat in an entirely new way, trying new things, experimenting. So... deal. If you read this, I assume it's because you want to know what's up with me. Well, this is what's up. I won't play for ratings.
High in calories, but nutritionally dense and very filling. Even with that, I'm still at around 1800 calories or so. I got off work early, and I haven't quite got the knack of snacking while not at work, so I didn't eat as much as I should have.
I'll have a salad and some nuts later.
Oh, and to whoever it was that complained to my roommate about me always just posting about food? Yeah, I'm trying something really new and incredibly challenging. So I'm gonna write about it. I'm looking at what I eat in an entirely new way, trying new things, experimenting. So... deal. If you read this, I assume it's because you want to know what's up with me. Well, this is what's up. I won't play for ratings.
Tomatillos
Aug. 24th, 2007 09:42 pmI have to let people know, in case they like tomatillos as much as I do.
I made pollo verde tonight, as referenced earlier, and I have to say the tomatillos I picked up at Youngstock were some of the most pristine, lovely specimens I have ever seen. Well, apart from the ones I grew about ten years ago.
See, tomatillos are pretty inconsistent. They're sorta like little green tomatoes, but they grow this sticky substance on their skins and over that is a papery husk. The husk grows first, and the fruit grows and ripens inside. Needless to say, without peeling back that husk, there is no real way to tell the condition of the fruit within... except by feel, and that's a little chancy on its own. Many are the times I peeled a tomatillo to find the fruit underneath damaged by insects, fungus, or poor handling. So even though there were little flies buzzing around the tomatillo bin at Youngstock, I grabbed some anyway.
The flies, by the way, are attracted by the sticky film on the fruit.
Well, I have to say, they were all perfect, each and every one. The insides were bright white, unstained by rot, and they glistened like snow as the juice came to the surface of the cut edges. The skins were unblemished, glossy, and brilliantly green, not the sickly yellow-green one sometimes gets. So, if you like tomatillos, go to Youngstock. They're AMAZING.
While you're there, pick up some of the pee wee avacados, too. Just the perfect size!
In other news, I spent a while looking in the mirror, peering deeply, looking for even the smallest signs of weight loss. I could use the encouragement. I thought there might be a slight lessening of the fat in my face... the stuff that makes me look so babyish. I thought maybe I looked older... not as in aged, but maybe more refined. Not as much like a demented Cabbage Patch Kid.
I know it's too early. But I need a little something, something to tell me that I'm on the right track.
The traces that I thought I saw likely aren't even there. They're probably evidence of either optimism or wishful thinking. My upper arms are still like plastic bags full of pudding draped over my real arms. I can feel my real arms in there, muscled and lean, but still soft. The rigid bicep, still cloaked in almost an inch of fat that shouldn't be there, that isn't me. That's how I feel; as if all this extraneous flesh is some sort of alien intruder, subsuming my real body. As if I'm wearing a ridiculously realistic fat suit. I hate it. I hate it with a revulsion that I've only felt before in nightmares. It drives me to not eat... to feel virtuous and defiant hunger for days.
I resist that urge, but sometimes it's hard to make myself eat. That worries me.
I made pollo verde tonight, as referenced earlier, and I have to say the tomatillos I picked up at Youngstock were some of the most pristine, lovely specimens I have ever seen. Well, apart from the ones I grew about ten years ago.
See, tomatillos are pretty inconsistent. They're sorta like little green tomatoes, but they grow this sticky substance on their skins and over that is a papery husk. The husk grows first, and the fruit grows and ripens inside. Needless to say, without peeling back that husk, there is no real way to tell the condition of the fruit within... except by feel, and that's a little chancy on its own. Many are the times I peeled a tomatillo to find the fruit underneath damaged by insects, fungus, or poor handling. So even though there were little flies buzzing around the tomatillo bin at Youngstock, I grabbed some anyway.
The flies, by the way, are attracted by the sticky film on the fruit.
Well, I have to say, they were all perfect, each and every one. The insides were bright white, unstained by rot, and they glistened like snow as the juice came to the surface of the cut edges. The skins were unblemished, glossy, and brilliantly green, not the sickly yellow-green one sometimes gets. So, if you like tomatillos, go to Youngstock. They're AMAZING.
While you're there, pick up some of the pee wee avacados, too. Just the perfect size!
In other news, I spent a while looking in the mirror, peering deeply, looking for even the smallest signs of weight loss. I could use the encouragement. I thought there might be a slight lessening of the fat in my face... the stuff that makes me look so babyish. I thought maybe I looked older... not as in aged, but maybe more refined. Not as much like a demented Cabbage Patch Kid.
I know it's too early. But I need a little something, something to tell me that I'm on the right track.
The traces that I thought I saw likely aren't even there. They're probably evidence of either optimism or wishful thinking. My upper arms are still like plastic bags full of pudding draped over my real arms. I can feel my real arms in there, muscled and lean, but still soft. The rigid bicep, still cloaked in almost an inch of fat that shouldn't be there, that isn't me. That's how I feel; as if all this extraneous flesh is some sort of alien intruder, subsuming my real body. As if I'm wearing a ridiculously realistic fat suit. I hate it. I hate it with a revulsion that I've only felt before in nightmares. It drives me to not eat... to feel virtuous and defiant hunger for days.
I resist that urge, but sometimes it's hard to make myself eat. That worries me.
I just read a letter in the Bellingham Herald, and it amazes me how willingly uninformed a lot of the people here are.
To claim that we are not experiencing global warming because the Southern Hemisphere is experiencing devastatingly cold winter weather is ridiculous.
Especially when the pack ice in the arctic ocean is supposedly going to hit an all time low next month, and the Carteret Islands in the South Pacific are slowly disappearing as the ocean rises.
God, I HATE these ostriches. I choose not to look at it and therefore it doesn't exist. Fucking christ!
To claim that we are not experiencing global warming because the Southern Hemisphere is experiencing devastatingly cold winter weather is ridiculous.
Especially when the pack ice in the arctic ocean is supposedly going to hit an all time low next month, and the Carteret Islands in the South Pacific are slowly disappearing as the ocean rises.
God, I HATE these ostriches. I choose not to look at it and therefore it doesn't exist. Fucking christ!