NaNoWriMo.
Nov. 9th, 2004 03:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ragdoll13Well, 19,394 words tonight. I could probably have pushed it through to 20k, but I went with Casey to pick up his pre-ordered copy of Halo 2 tonight, and he's playing it and it's very distracting. Just 700 words away from a lofty goal is fine by me... I still have a pretty comfy margin in case I get stuck. Here's the obligatory excerpt from what I wrote tonight.
We walked in silence. Our boots made slapping sounds on the wet pavement, or crunching sounds as we walked through piles of debris. The rain was relentless and provided a constant wash of white noise, above which the sound of the wind howling through the alleyways and the occasional echoing scream was audiable. These screams, now that I had seen the source, made my heart race and my skin crawl. Why did the dead scream? Other than these sounds, downtown was echoingly empty and silent, and in light of this it was easy to believe that it was the end of the world. It seemed that Chance and I were the only creatures left alive on earth, apart from the rats that skittered from one refuse pile to the other. It was a stark contrast to the town that was once a happy and thriving place. Even the boldness of the fat little rodents highlighted the dramatic changes that the last few days had wrought.
Chance was silent, and it broke my heard. He had changed just since last night... he was as hard as stone today. His normally mobile face betrayed nothing. His blue eyes glared forward, chosing the next step, looking for danger, but nothing else. I think that he was probably angry with me for coming along, but these were strange days, and I didn't like letting him out of my sight. It wasn't because I felt safer with him around, it was because out of all the people I knew, Chance was the one I knew best, and the one I had the most in common with, historically speaking. When I was with him, I didn't feel alone, and the one thing that got to me worse than being afraid, or tired, or dirty, was being alone... especially right now.
So I guess that Chance's company did make me feel safer. Not that I had that much confidence in his ability to protect me, not after what I'd seen so far. It was as if, by my presence, I had more direct control over the most important elements of my environment, I may have been twice as likely to come to harm out there as I was back in the shop, but if something happened to Chance and I out here, at least I would know, at least I could have a hand in it. Had I stayed, I'm not sure could've stood the waiting, or if he hadn't come back at all, the wondering.
Chance's intent was clear to me. Previously, he had always been the master of his surroundings. Ordinarily, there was nothing that happened on the streets of this town that he couldn't cope with. But now, that environment had undergone a frastic change, and the only way Chance could keep himself afloat was to get back on top. So while it's true that Chance was testing the waters, it was also true that he was testing himself agains them.
See, out of all of us, I think Chance was the most frightened. I mean, I was scared stupid, and apparently James was scared smart... but people like James and I are afraid all the time, even under normal circumstances. Afraid of getting teased as children, afraid of getting beaten up as teenagers, and then, as adults, afraid of getting fired, afraid of love, afraid of pain, afraid of bills and bankruptcy and a thousand other grown-up worries.
Chance had been afraid of nothing. Some situations made him cautious, but he didn't think too far ahead in the future, and nothing had ever come up that he hadn't been able to deal with somehow. This had changed. Chance had come face-to-face with something that he couldn't cope with, that scared the hell out of him. What he needed now, more than anything, was to master it, to prove to himself that he was still on top of life. The basis of his confidence and strength was crumbling away beneath him.
We turned the corner on to a street called Magnolia. It was a street that held all the beauty that it's name implied, and even now it retained it's prettiness. You could watch it march up the hill, away from the bay and out of downtown. The trees in their autumn oranges and crimsons faded in the distance with the sheeting rain, but closer up they were vivid. In the sunlight they were brilliant, but now, in the rain, they were luminous and unreal, like the plumage of some tropical bird.
We walked in silence. Our boots made slapping sounds on the wet pavement, or crunching sounds as we walked through piles of debris. The rain was relentless and provided a constant wash of white noise, above which the sound of the wind howling through the alleyways and the occasional echoing scream was audiable. These screams, now that I had seen the source, made my heart race and my skin crawl. Why did the dead scream? Other than these sounds, downtown was echoingly empty and silent, and in light of this it was easy to believe that it was the end of the world. It seemed that Chance and I were the only creatures left alive on earth, apart from the rats that skittered from one refuse pile to the other. It was a stark contrast to the town that was once a happy and thriving place. Even the boldness of the fat little rodents highlighted the dramatic changes that the last few days had wrought.
Chance was silent, and it broke my heard. He had changed just since last night... he was as hard as stone today. His normally mobile face betrayed nothing. His blue eyes glared forward, chosing the next step, looking for danger, but nothing else. I think that he was probably angry with me for coming along, but these were strange days, and I didn't like letting him out of my sight. It wasn't because I felt safer with him around, it was because out of all the people I knew, Chance was the one I knew best, and the one I had the most in common with, historically speaking. When I was with him, I didn't feel alone, and the one thing that got to me worse than being afraid, or tired, or dirty, was being alone... especially right now.
So I guess that Chance's company did make me feel safer. Not that I had that much confidence in his ability to protect me, not after what I'd seen so far. It was as if, by my presence, I had more direct control over the most important elements of my environment, I may have been twice as likely to come to harm out there as I was back in the shop, but if something happened to Chance and I out here, at least I would know, at least I could have a hand in it. Had I stayed, I'm not sure could've stood the waiting, or if he hadn't come back at all, the wondering.
Chance's intent was clear to me. Previously, he had always been the master of his surroundings. Ordinarily, there was nothing that happened on the streets of this town that he couldn't cope with. But now, that environment had undergone a frastic change, and the only way Chance could keep himself afloat was to get back on top. So while it's true that Chance was testing the waters, it was also true that he was testing himself agains them.
See, out of all of us, I think Chance was the most frightened. I mean, I was scared stupid, and apparently James was scared smart... but people like James and I are afraid all the time, even under normal circumstances. Afraid of getting teased as children, afraid of getting beaten up as teenagers, and then, as adults, afraid of getting fired, afraid of love, afraid of pain, afraid of bills and bankruptcy and a thousand other grown-up worries.
Chance had been afraid of nothing. Some situations made him cautious, but he didn't think too far ahead in the future, and nothing had ever come up that he hadn't been able to deal with somehow. This had changed. Chance had come face-to-face with something that he couldn't cope with, that scared the hell out of him. What he needed now, more than anything, was to master it, to prove to himself that he was still on top of life. The basis of his confidence and strength was crumbling away beneath him.
We turned the corner on to a street called Magnolia. It was a street that held all the beauty that it's name implied, and even now it retained it's prettiness. You could watch it march up the hill, away from the bay and out of downtown. The trees in their autumn oranges and crimsons faded in the distance with the sheeting rain, but closer up they were vivid. In the sunlight they were brilliant, but now, in the rain, they were luminous and unreal, like the plumage of some tropical bird.
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no subject
Date: 2004-11-10 10:59 pm (UTC)